Grapho is the one who created all the avatars for Burning Life. They really do fall into his domain of expertise: They are dark, textured, evocative of unconscious things. So, he has been spending a lot of time in-world lately. Now, there are some remarkable things to do with his prolonged presence. One is that no matter how often his name gets mentioned in all the note cards and no matter that his name appears on every single prim and inventory item, almost everyone he has encountered refuses to believe that he actually made these avatars. They all think that I (Alpha) made them. Or that I made them as Alpha. Whatever… In fact, when he tried to convince a group of people that he was the designer, all he got for his efforts was a “nice try, Grapho!“… !!! Don’t people look at prims anymore? It is how I do all my shopping – by looking at prims! So, what is going on here, I wonder?

Second thing that happens is something that I have actually written about before: Whenever Grapho makes an appearance the women come flocking in! This is the strangest thing and in fact tonight Bettina and I discussed this, how forthright women seem to be in showing their sexual interest – far more so than men, we both concluded. When I (Alpha) log in no one gives me a second glance – which is to be expected, since in the looks department I am really nothing to write home about. However, Amina and Xia who are both really good looking do not seem to fare much better either. (And do good looks really matter? Please read on!) Not so with Grapho: We have female customers making return visits to see the guy. It has happened more than once that I or one of the other girls got asked where he was? He hadn’t been around in a while? Did we know why?

But this in not the real reason as to why I am writing this post. At least not directly anyway… What has got me thinking here does not only have to do with Grapho but also with his t-shirt. He got this a while ago; it is just a crusty old freebie with horrible seams but nonetheless he totally loves it:

If you have a tendency to take yourself too seriously the text on this thing could very well insult you, or put you on the defensive I suppose…

And today Grapho did in fact have an encounter where he managed to put another person very much on the defensive – to the extent where things got somewhat out of hand. I saved the chatter and re-examined it carefully afterwards: Nothing that he actually “said” is even remotely offensive. Really it isn’t! So why did this happen? Could it be the t-shirt? Worn by a scowling, tall man, towering over the person he was talking with? Bettina also pointed at his long hair when I told her about the encounter later in the day. So maybe that too. And the hawk nose? The crooked face. Slanted small eyes. Grapho is becoming rather good looking. And furthermore he is slowly becoming good looking in a not-conventionally-good-looking sort of a way. He is very tall and thin and long limbed and bends over ever so slightly. Gangly, I guess the word is. So, not a run of the mill, cute baby faced, muscle packed dude but someone who may well be intimidating through his ugly-beautiful presence. And furthermore wearing a t-shirt which has a condescending sort of a message written all over it!

Had it been me, with my ears and tail, would the exchange have developed in the same way? But even more to the point, would I have expressed myself in quite the same way as Grapho did? During his very early days I had Grapho talk in a deliberately uncouth manner. It was a very clumsy act of trying to adopt a different persona. Nowadays I don’t do that any more. Grapho talks exactly like I do. Or so at least I think. But does he really? As I was reading the chatter I noticed a different tone. Very subtle, but it is there. More impatient. Again, nothing he said was upsetting in and of itself. But what he said – it comes out ever so slightly differently. A bit more akin to the t-shirt perhaps. Not even that. Very hard to explain… It is this hardly tangible difference which I have noticed in the alts of others but was not aware of where my own alts were concerned. But, nonetheless it is there… Almost impossible to pinpoint what it is and how exactly it manifests – but there.

Nick Yee has conducted a study which he calls The Proteus Effect. And what he proves is that avatar appearance affects behavior and all social interactions and emotional responses. Indeed, so powerful is the impact of appearance on behavior and communication that, according to Yee’s findings, the way an avatar looks does not only carry major significance while one is in “the game” itself, but in all subsequent physical/RL interactions between the interacting agents. I had a gut instinct that this was so long before I had ever heard of Yee’s paper. Reading it made me yelp out in joy since he was really proving a thing I had always known to be true.

Is this what happened with Grapho today? I am fairly certain that it is. What he said was not anything that would have provoked a hostile response. The way he looked and stood, compounded by the stupid rights t-shirt however could have done so and, I think, did…

Here I am! About to be flayed alive!

These people are all cream of the cream, top of crop researchers from places like the Fraunhofer Instititue, talking about stuff like 3D streaming video resarch and mega-scale bandwidth optimization! I think I am the only one who will walk up there and talk about something that is not cutting edge telecommunication R & D! I feel like a total dunce!

Oh God! My derriere is totally totally fried!

…

Update: 4 hours later and it is over. How did it go? hmmm… Crash and burn would about some it up, I suppose. Not to mince words, they didn’t care for what I had to say one tiny little bit. Also, the fact that I read my presentation hasn’t helped much: What I talk about can be classified as research based in Arts and Social Sciences and with that type of stuff one always reads, since one is quoting most of the time anyway. With engineers this goes over like a lead baloon since they usually present their personal research output and therefore can just go ahead and talk. Even the lectern was not set up for giving a “read” presentation so I had to look sidewise/down at some kind of prompting screen set up at my foot!

It was a disaster. Pure and simple. Not even a hhh to soften the mood, I’m afraid… ouch.

… has left Second Life.

I did not know her, had never met her or talked to her. I do not know why she has left. I know of Eshi through Bettina, and what I do know about her is that Eshi was a dedicated hardcore, longtime SL Resident. A person who had huge big stakes in her Second Life. As big as mine for sure and quite possibly even bigger. And yet, Eshi has left.

I have come within a hair’s breadth of doing the same. And not spontaneous, knee-jerk decisions either but more in the nature of long, calm deliberations which I have carried with me day in and day out over many weeks and months. In fact, I could probably say that it is an ongoing process. I am always carrying this around with me.

In the end I do not leave because I cannot face sitting here in cold isolation, pottering around in all kinds of software, making little things which no one will come and play with or wear or find any other usage for except to look at them on my RL website, as used to be the case before I started doing stuff in SL. The participatory element where others buy my outfits, visit my islands, play with my silly old rejuvenation spheres or work out in the neko gym has ended up meaning as much to me as the building of these gave me pleasure. I look at the photos posted to the alpha.tribe group on Flickr and see what others do with my stuff. And suddenly the whole effort makes sense in a way that it never had before. Is there any place else I can get this? At this particular moment in time, no there isn’t. So, I stay… And I invest more and more: I even go as far as writing papers and making presentations that all more or less relate to my experiences as a content creator whose content actually gets used by others. Second Life has altered my work process and my expectations of how I would like to have my stuff be put to use.

I do not have big pretensions when it comes to my artistic abilities. I do not think that I am an artist. I am a designer. A good one, yes. So, finding utility and function, placing the aim of what I make in “usage” is right. I did not use to have the same sense of satisfaction when I worked in advertising, which is hardly surprising, given the ultimate nature of what advertising is all about. And then after I quit that job I fumbled around with art (if one call what I did art, that is). And I always knew deep down in my heart that this wasn’t really “me”. I am just simply not cut out of the cloth that artists are made out of. So, now, after a long search I seem to have come to the one place which is right for me: I make things which others use. The process is playful and innocent. I am not robbing anybody or trying to sell them a product against their will. Yes, I suppose I could start some kind of cottage industry in RL, make jam or pillow cases or something. But, I do not have those skills and what’s more I do not like to work with my hands. So, a virtual, participatory world where I make synthetic objects which others can use seems to be the place for me.

There are a number of SL photographic artists whose work I follow on Flickr. These are people that create sensitive images carrying implications riddled in metaphor. Output which demands to be taken seriously, created by persons that are a far cry from the crowds of SL-Flickr enthusiasts whose gushes and aversions are often all too predictable. And it may be my imagination, and I may be misinterpreting what I see and read altogether; but there is deep unhappiness in some of their images and in the few lines of accompanying text and also concealed in their responses to comments left. It is the unhappiness of having become confused upon a core precept – one which to many SL Residents is something quite other than what it is to them: They misunderstood the rules of engagement. Invested emotions and formed attachments where it was probably not at all appropriate to do so.

A while ago I made body-parts. I still believe that I was onto something there when I made that and also when I wrote the statement for it, although I probably did not express it at all adequately enough. Concealed in there somewhere is my reason for wanting to leave my virtual existence behind.

Caught between a rock and a hard place, I believe it is called.

Good luck Eshi…

The new academic year is into its second week and I have just come home from a full day’s teaching. Usually this is a moment when I only want to crawl into bed: The campus is located 60kms outside of the city whereas I live smack in the center of it. The traffic is horrendous pretty much all day and particularly so in the evenings and my last class finishes at 19.30. On a bad day it can take up to 3 hours to get back home. So, really one is entitled to one’s bed when one walks in the door, but I am in such a good mood about this years crop of students that I am actually still sitting here dashing off a post.

My new graduate class: Usually I only have one or two at the most, but this year I have 5! And that is great in itself since a group always creates its own synergy. And this group seems to be a good one on top of that: Naz, who is no stranger to this blog anyway, a very feisty chick and oodles of talent to boot. Sinan, who wants to know everything – Mr. Inquisitive he is – hhh. Not a thing gets mentioned without him immediately pricking up his ears, wanting to know more. Which is great! Curious people! The world needs more of them! And a spectacular designer/illustrator he is too, I should add. Onur, an architect who may want to work on virtual/generative architecture: A very imposing figure, he had all of us examiners spellbound during the entrance exams last June, not only by his presence but also by his grasp on his field. Barbaros, shy to a fault, a charming young cinematographer who looks to be very promising in what he wants to work on, which is visual narrative (broadly speaking) – as indeed does Naz, I should add. And then, of course, Deniz, who was my student last year as well. Not immediately obvious, but actually he is a riot. Comes across as cool as a cucumber and then knocks you sideways with laughter. He is already quite advanced in his Master’s project which is a graphic design generator working along the principles of evolution, that is a system whereby the result is derived at through a coded design interface working along the principles of variation, mutation, selection. Towards the end of the class he showed the group his work and we were all duly impressed. The 4 newbies obviously do not yet have a completely clear idea of what it is exactly that they want to work on, which is only natural. Early days…

Anyway, I have no idea where the 3 hours that I spent with them went to. It was so entertaining chatting with them that one minute the class had just started and the next minute we were running for the shuttle. They did want to know about Second Life and I did tell them of course. I doubt any of them will be working there, with the possible exception of Onur the architect. I think I will take them in next week and show them around a bit anyway. But whatever they do and wherever they end up doing it, it really does look like as if I will have a really good time with this bunch.

Students can be such demanding little critters – hhh…

For some unknown reason the nosey parkers are still snooping around in my blog it seems – and this despite my strictest instructions to the contrary! I thought that I had made myself abundantly clear more than a year ago when I pointed them in the direction of the great urban outdoors, of which there really is no lack of at all in this city; rather than sitting at home perched behind their screens reading the ramblings of their boring old instructors! Alas, absolutely to no avail…They are still in here! So anyway, I was cornered by a few of them on the service shuttle coming back home into the city the other day and they wanted to know what my top 10 favorite songs by The Who are. There is, of course, no easy answer to such a question, so I begged for some time to give the response the utmost attention that it needs. And here it is  – my Top 10 The Who songs list (I think):

1) Who are you?
2) Guitar and pen
3) They’re all in love
4) Slip Kid
5) Won’t get fooled again
6) New Song
7) Squeeze Box
8) In a hand or a face
9) Empty glass
10) Behind blue eyes

Except here’s the problem with this list: First I have had to leave out things like “Eminence Front” and “However much I booze”! Being limited to just 10 that is? Second, I love all these songs equally?

They also wanted to know the same thing with Queen. (I can hardly believe this but apparently they actually listen to these bands! Love them! These songs were written a long long long time before the oldest of them was even born? !!!) With Queen, the answer is somewhat simpler. I feel that Queen albums need to be listened to in their entirety. Like The Who opera albums in a way. So, it would be very tough to make a list there. Also, with Queen I love their stage presence almost as much as the music they make and the two things are really more or less welded into one whole in my mind. And again, although when on stage they arranged the flow of the songs into different sequences than the ones of the albums, there still seems to have been a deliberately orchestrated continuity in the way the songs got seamlessly blended into one other. Also visually, I should add. When I listen to them, in my mind’s eye I “see” Queen as much as I “hear” them somehow. The most money I have ever spent on a concert ticket was for a Queen concert. And nowadays I love to watch all their concert DVD’s over and over again. The cockiness, the humor, the imagination, the sheer unabashed in-your-face drama of the man… But, all that said, if you still want to push me up against a wall with a gun, I will say “We will rock you” (of course), “It’s a hard life”, “Who wants to live for ever”, “Brighton Rock” – and then finally… My all time anthem:

I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now!!!
You couldn’t possibly have phrased that any better than you did Freddie… (I know he wasn’t the one who wrote the song, Brian May was – but…)
:-)

http://monty-chan.blogspot.com/

I am really in over my head! Doing too much all at once, for one thing. I am doing Burning Life. I am writing a book chapter for an academic publication which I am supposed to submit for review by the 12th. But, the one that totally terrifies me is this next one coming right up: Solbedoz Janus is a senior designer at Bell Labs as well as being a hardcore SL resident. He contacted me a while ago and asked me to participate in an event, to which back then I merrily said yes!?! !!! Yes??? As in yesss??? I really do need to get my head examined over here, don’t I?

So now, as the time approaches I am buried in engineering journals trying to put together a more or less plausible presentation, at least one that will not get me laughed off the lectern halfway through by a room full of telecommunication specialists: I am an invited speaker at Bell Labs in Antwerp on the 20th to give a talk on the impact of virtual worlds on the future of communication strategies… And don’t laugh – please! This is sooo not a joking matter from where I am standing – you have no idea!

I logged into SL for a hot minute just now and ended up having a brief conversation with Truthseeker in which all this somehow came out. And here it is folks:

….
[13:59]  Alpha Auer: and next thing – boing!!! i get this invite
[13:59]  Truthseeker Young: wicked!
[13:59]  Alpha Auer: if it was a regular thing – then yes
[14:00]  Alpha Auer: but apparently they want to discuss methods and strategies to communicate for the future
[14:00]  Truthseeker Young: oh cool!
[14:00]  Alpha Auer: bell labs = telecommunication
[14:00]  Alpha Auer: and they figure that virtual worlds will be a major thing then
[14:01]  Alpha Auer: but this is WAYYYY out of my depth
[14:01]  Alpha Auer: it is hardcore engineering stuff really
[14:01]  Truthseeker Young: yeah but there’s always gonna be a social layer
[14:01]  Alpha Auer: *sigh*
[14:01]  Alpha Auer: his words exactly
[14:01]  Alpha Auer: hhhh
[14:01]  Truthseeker Young: hahahaha
[14:02]  Truthseeker Young: I just think of spaces like SL as training grounds for all that augmented reality tech that everyone’s promising these days
[14:02]  Alpha Auer: again
[14:02]  Alpha Auer: his words
[14:02]  Alpha Auer: almost verbatim
[14:02]  Alpha Auer: hhh
[14:02]  Truthseeker Young: well, see? totally up your alley as well, then
[14:03]  Alpha Auer: but those engineers are gonna pelt me with rotten eggs and tomatoes
[14:03]  Alpha Auer: if i show up there talking airy fairy stuff
[14:03]  Alpha Auer: so i am reading up like a maniac
[14:04]  Alpha Auer: in fact i need to log off and read!!!
[14:04]  Alpha Auer: like NOW!
[14:04]  Truthseeker Young: heh alrighty
[14:04]  Alpha Auer: so i will see your house ASAP
[14:05]  Alpha Auer: (if i am still alive by then)
[14:05]  Alpha Auer: in fact if you pray or something add me in
[14:05]  Truthseeker Young: you got it
[14:05]  Alpha Auer: i’m an atheist unfortunately
[14:05]  Truthseeker Young: lol
[14:05]  Alpha Auer: so i need to ask others
[14:05]  Truthseeker Young: yeah but all that alchemy stuff actually WORKS
[14:05]  Alpha Auer: it does
[14:06]  Alpha Auer: hey! maybe i will tell them of my rejuvenation spheres!!!
[14:06]  Alpha Auer: now THERES a thought!
[14:06]  Truthseeker Young: there you go. they’ll love it
[14:06]  Alpha Auer: ok kiddo
[14:06]  Alpha Auer: byeeeeee!
[14:06]  Alpha Auer: i really gotta scoot
[14:06]  Truthseeker Young: even tho they may express that love in silent, unsmiling stares
[14:06]  Truthseeker Young: ok go read!
[14:06]  Alpha Auer: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
[14:06]  Alpha Auer: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
[14:07]  Truthseeker Young: :0
[14:07]  Alpha Auer: i am so gonna save this in a notecard!
[14:07]  Alpha Auer: !!!!
[14:07]  Alpha Auer: bye!!!!
[14:07]  Truthseeker Young: see ya
[14:07]  Alpha Auer: funniest thing i heard in ages!